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Warning one: texts invariably “don’t” arrive when it’s convenient for them not to. Like a river, every twist and turn brings about a new drama or excuse so brace yourself for a rocky ride, and don‘t be surprised if the object of your obsession already has a media naranja.

Warning two: many Argentine women give booze a wide berth so perhaps coffee and a cupcake is a better first-date option… Always have a plan B to accommodate for forgotten birthday parties and cousins’ graduations when the inevitable last-minute bailout message arrives.

A (other half) is kept on their toes from the early stages, needy and anxious like a sick puppy on a drip feed. The answer’s no, not for three days, Whats App messages will be key in the beginning. Unlikely and what if your castellano isn’t up to scratch?

Knock back two pints of Dutch courage to call, indulging her in an ego massage and putting your own vulnerable pride and linguistic skills on the line.

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