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“That’s how agonizing it was for our family, how demoralizing, how humiliating,” Gerry Slivinski said.

He shot himself to death at home June 25, a month after his 32nd birthday. Now, like others who lose a son or daughter to suicide, his parents, John “Jack” Slivinski Sr.

and Gerry Slivinski, are struggling to find meaning in his death. had his share of troubles, including a separation from his wife, although he had hoped for reconciliation.

The fire commissioner reprimanded Slivinski May 3 and gave him back his job.

But Slivinski never believed the incident was fully behind him.

From Day 1, Slivinski was going to be featured on the cover, not only because he was strikingly handsome, with china-blue eyes, thick wavy hair, an easy smile and a buff body. Philadelphia” also would represent the city where Benjamin Franklin started the nation’s first volunteer fire department.