To quote myself to myself (how meta), my main point was that I should be patient and do nothing: “In waiting, you’ve grown impatient at times and have tried to force things that weren’t meant to be, fought too hard for something that you knew was wrong, held on too tight to something that was already dead and gone, or pushed people away out of fear. Accept that it’s a mystery and sit down, shut up, enjoy your freaking life, and patiently wait your turn.”, because, like I said, I had lost faith, even in the truth of my own words. Exactly what I told myself to do — be patient and wait my turn — was precisely what led to me running smack into the love relationship I was waiting for. I ran into him on the subway one day and the rest was a wonderful mystery.
I look at him sometimes and say, “Why were we both on the same subway car that day? Even though I’m in love, I don’t have single amnesia in the least. I can’t remember who said it now, but a Buddhist philosopher talked about cultivating a lifelong, unconditional friendship with yourself. Sometimes, during my long ass single stretch, I would get jealous watching my friends get snapped up left and right.
While many physicians attempt to find common ground by getting to know their patients well, when the existence of one life hangs in the balance, such roles can never truly be equal.
Relationships, unfortunately, are quite the opposite. A partnership based on mutual respect and equality is essential for any love to thrive.
I was 15-years-old the first time I went on a date. As my date and I sat at the red-and-white-checkered table at TGI Fridays, I watched his expression slowly change from one of interest to trepidation; after drowning him with endless conversation, I was hardly surprised when he informed me that he would not be calling for a second date.